Sometimes you may find yourself in an empty space.
The space between who you were and who you are.
Remnants of the old mixed with the emerging new.
You know that Gwyneth Paltrow movie- Sliding Doors? It showcased two parallel universes where Gwyneth loses her job and finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. In one universe, she makes her subway train just in time to come home and catch her boyfriend in the act. In the other, she misses that train. How that split moment in time changed her entire life…
Authenticity is a buzz word these days, with everyone striving to be perceived as authentic. The irony of the filters not only placed on our physical body (due to the heightened awareness of others perception of us), but also the process of filtering our own voice, story, beliefs, ideas, leads us further away from ever being perceived as authentic.
So social media and I were in a relationship that just wasn’t working. In a “it's not you, it's me” kind of way… meaning I had the work to do.
I used to wait my life away and wasted years not being myself. Resisting everything I could be and could do. I’d go through the motions of a redundant routine hoping for a spark of motivation tomorrow, hoping that one day things would be different. Tomorrow always held the hope that I’d feel good enough to be myself, to take action, to put myself out there. I’d create problems that I’d need to fix. Listing things about myself that made me not ready. Did you know that shitty mindset is actually just resistance?