Ever since I was a child I can remember being preoccupied with food. Other kids would be enthralled with there arts and crafts and and I would be wondering when the next snack was coming. Grocery store outings with mom meant I could choose what was going in the cart. Not at all exaggerating I sought out opportunities to eat. My siblings still remember to this day how I would strategically move all the oreos and fruit roll ups to the top shelf of the pantry so they couldn’t reach.
I wake up often with a somewhat nagging feeling that begs me to answer, what am I doing? With the day, with my week, with my life.
I think we focus on questions because by answering enough of them we get closer to the truth of who we are and why we’re here.
Something I’ve become overtly aware of is the lack of connection I have felt within my body. I am actively shifting that because I’ve learned first hand the less attention I give my body, the less connection I feel overall.
You know that Gwyneth Paltrow movie- Sliding Doors? It showcased two parallel universes where Gwyneth loses her job and finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her. In one universe, she makes her subway train just in time to come home and catch her boyfriend in the act. In the other, she misses that train. How that split moment in time changed her entire life…
Authenticity is a buzz word these days, with everyone striving to be perceived as authentic. The irony of the filters not only placed on our physical body (due to the heightened awareness of others perception of us), but also the process of filtering our own voice, story, beliefs, ideas, leads us further away from ever being perceived as authentic.
So social media and I were in a relationship that just wasn’t working. In a “it's not you, it's me” kind of way… meaning I had the work to do.
I used to wait my life away and wasted years not being myself. Resisting everything I could be and could do. I’d go through the motions of a redundant routine hoping for a spark of motivation tomorrow, hoping that one day things would be different. Tomorrow always held the hope that I’d feel good enough to be myself, to take action, to put myself out there. I’d create problems that I’d need to fix. Listing things about myself that made me not ready. Did you know that shitty mindset is actually just resistance?
If you’re feeling stuck, negative, unmotivated and depressed, well it could be the energy around you to blame. Sure we give off energy but the space around us holds it too. As you may know, I just moved; new city, new house. I took it upon myself to go balls to the walls with making this new space feel good.