Ever since I was a child I can remember being preoccupied with food. Other kids would be enthralled with there arts and crafts and and I would be wondering when the next snack was coming. Grocery store outings with mom meant I could choose what was going in the cart. Not at all exaggerating I sought out opportunities to eat. My siblings still remember to this day how I would strategically move all the oreos and fruit roll ups to the top shelf of the pantry so they couldn’t reach. I needed to be in control.
I can pinpoint causes and shifts in my relationship to food based on life events, for the most part leading to full on bingeing. Parents divorce, moving away from friends and family, working a stressful job, not knowing what I was meant to do, feelings of depression, feeling alone.
Controlling and binging seemed to be my full time occupation and my part time job was trying to solve the issue.
The time wasted, overload of negative emotions felt, guilt, self loathing and hate could only be given purpose by seeking the solution and spreading it to anyone in need. Enter nutrition school, they’re bound to teach the solution there? Useful information but still no real explanation for what I had dealt with my entire life.
In a quest to get more answers I went on to become a life coach, NLP practitioner, Akashic Record reader..
So you’d think by now I have the fix? Not exactly. As I’ve learned these habits, the way we have been operating since children do not change overnight.
But what I do have is evidence that the long journey to self awareness, through self discovery and self development, can only make you stronger.
Not stronger in a way that rids you of all flaws and vices, but stronger in your ability to forgive yourself.
And through the continued process of forgiving myself for:
The times I punished my choices and actions.
The times I held unreachable standards for myself.
The times I believed I needed to be fixed and changed.
The times I disconnected so badly from my body and my emotions.
The times I choose to blame and shame myself.
The times I made myself believe I wasn’t enough or worthy.
You see when you begin to forgive yourself, you make room for compassion and love. And that gentle approach towards yourself is what ultimately leads to inner peace, leaving you with no problem to fix.